Tiffany Raiford
Being a mother is far more difficult and more rewarding than anything else I’ve done in my life. In 31 years, not one thing I’ve faced in life has been more of a beautiful experience than being a mother. At the same time, nothing else has been as terrifying. Even though I’ve been blessed with four beautiful children with wonderful personalities that make parenting very simple – and I’ve never experienced sleep deprivation thanks to their insane sleeping abilities – there are moments that make motherhood difficult. There are moments that make it seem like you’re losing your mind. As if you want to walk out the front door and never come home again. There are moments as a mother you wish you never had to experience; and I’m no different. In my 6.5 years of motherhood, I’ve encountered more than 10 moments that would go down in history as my least favorite motherhood moments. We all have them. You might agree with some of these. You might not. But regardless, we all feel like bad moms sometimes and we all feel as if this is a difficult journey at times. And here are my 10 least favorite moments of motherhood.
Watching My Newborn Twins Being Taken from Me to Go to the NICU
There is nothing in my life as devastating to me as the day I went into labor with my almost 1-year-old twins. It was a beautiful day. Labor was only a few hours, I was in the OR actually giving birth less than 5 minutes – naturally but with epidural – and I never broke a sweat. It was a beautiful day. But when they handed me my tiny 3 and 5 pound babies, they immediately took them from me because of respiratory issues and they spent the next 5 days in the NICU. It was 24 solid hours before we could hold them again. And that would be the first time my husband would hold them. It was the worst week of my life.
Being in the NICU
There are few things in life that are as difficult as being in the NICU. Seeing the sick babies and the people whose hearts are breaking as well as those who could care less that their babies are sick so long as they can have a few more days to go out and party while their babies are lying there fighting addictions they didn’t give themselves. For me, the worst part was the choice that I had to be there instead of with my two older kids at home. It was horrible choosing the babies and missing out on the big girls. It’s a feeling that I cannot describe.
Taking One Baby Home
Our son and I were discharged from the hospital three days after the twins were born, but our daughter was not. The neonatal doctor was so kind to keep our son in there for “fake” reasons while our daughter was there so they could be together, and the hospital allowed us to keep our room after we were discharged. A new doctor came on duty Wednesday night, however, and made us leave with our son. We had to take him home and leave our daughter for a night. It was the most difficult, most awful, most terrible moment of my life. I still cry.
Yelling at My Kids because I’m in a Mood
I am a mother of four. I have a lot on my plate and sometimes when a child doesn’t listen to me right this very second, I turn into an ugly version of me that yells and sighs and talks to myself about why it’s so difficult to just follow instructions. I hate this ‘me’ because it’s not me. I’m not that evil mother. I’m not that person. I’m pretty cool and laid-back, but that ‘me’ is ugly. I don’t like her, and I always regret her appearances. She’s not out too often, but sometimes she is and I dislike her.
Every Single School Morning
Yes, I hate the mornings. My husband leaves earlier than the kids wake up and they start school at an hour I’d call ungodly late. So I’m stuck with all four of them by myself to get ready for school in the morning. This means getting everyone dressed and in the car by a specific time, and that’s hard when you have a 3-year-old who never wants to wear the clothes she chose the night before, a 6-year-old who never likes her hair and 10-month-old twins who don’t create dirty diapers at very convenient times.
Baby Blood
Anytime a child is bleeding, it sends me into panic mode. Even if it’s just something small, I worry. I’m a mom. Moms worry. And when my kids are hurt, I worry more than usual. Big or small, it sucks every single time.
Forgetting Something Important
Ah, yes. The “If you’re good for daddy while mommy is shopping, I’ll bring you something special,” moment you come home to little angels and realize you have forgotten to bring them something. And then I’m trying to pass off apples as a special treat. If I have cucumbers, my 3-year-old feels like she won the lottery. The oldest, however, is not amused when this happens and it makes me feel bad.
Dirty Diapers
Need I even elaborate?
Bath Time
I’m not a fan of bath time at all. And it’s not because I don’t like clean kids. I don’t like grout. Yes, seriously. This is the biggest parenting issue in the world for me. I wear shoes in my own shower and die a little on the inside if I accidentally touch the wall in there. And my house is clean. Not just regular clean – like superstar pristine clean (I don’t do messy). I can’t bathe my kids. My husband is in charge of bath time at night because being that close to a tub with grout along the edge of the tub and the wall makes me want to vomit. I have no idea why.
Miscarriage
If you’ve experienced loss, you know without words what I mean. If you haven’t, you might wonder about this. Is it that bad to lose a baby you never met? I mean, really? The answer, in short, is yes. It’s terrible. And it never goes away. And it doesn’t matter if you have a child and then you lose two in a row but have one at home already; it sucks. You never forget. You never not think about those babies that just aren’t. You never get over it.
Photo by Adam Berry/Getty Images
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