There are many, many mysteries of the parenting universe, the majority of which involve things our children say and do. These are some of the key things about kids that perpetually stump, perplex, and utterly confuse moms. And while mothers are great at keeping a straight face, there are simply some questions that you have to smile at. Some questions that we could never think of in million years. Questions like…..
This article was originally written by Ellen Seidman for Babble.com was reprinted using permission.
1. Given that you’ve been a kid for a while now, making you a professional kid …
… how is it possible you have not yet realized that whining gets you nowhere?
2. Why is it necessary …
… to dump out the entire bin of toys if you only want one?
3. We know you love us and want to mush us and all but …
… must you playfully jiggle our arm flab?
4. Do you not think …
… we are onto your bedtime delay tactics? Sorry, you cannot have another glass of water.
5. Also! Do you not think that …
… when we say “no” and you go off and ask Daddy, we don’t realize it? Same goes for Grandma and Grandpa, sweetie pies.
6. Whatever gave you the idea that …
…. the sleeves of our shirts are tissues?
7. Why is it that …
… when we beg you to use the potty before leaving the house you insist you don’t have to, but within minutes of being on the road you’ve gotta go?
8. Would it maybe be possible to …
… eat just one meal without getting at least half of it on the floor?
9. When was the last time that …
… we got you a toy just because you had a meltdown at the store? Exactly. (See also: “Whining gets you nowhere.”)
10. We are fully aware that you adore The Runaway Bunny/Fox In Socks/Curious George Makes Pancakes/Pinkalicious/Whatever but …
… how is it humanly possibly you have not tired of that book after we’ve read it to you 900 times? Make it stop. Please.
11. We realize that you sometimes need extra attention but …
… do you truly think, when you point to a sibling and pout “You love him more than me!” that we’re actually going to agree with you?
12. What’s the big deal if …
… different foods touch each other on the plate?
13. When you accidentally poke us in the eye/whack us in the head/stomp on our kidneys and tears fill our eyes, could you …
… maybe give us just a moment to ourselves to recover/check to see that our body parts are still intact?
14. How do you manage to …
… pick up on every single curse word that accidentally escapes our lips but then never hear us when we ask you to clean up your stuff?
15. How the heck did you …
… cram all of that crud into the crevices of the car seat? Not to mention the pea up your nose?
16. Why do you wait until …
… we have just locked the door to the bathroom to ask us where your ____ is?
17. Do you know that …
… when you rest your heads in the crook of our necks and let out a sweet little sigh of contentment, we are like putty in your hands and you could basically ask us for anything and we’d say yes?
What, you don’t know that? Good.
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