Tiffany Raiford
Being a parent is the most difficult thing you will ever do with your life. Even though it is the most wonderful, there are moments that just about kill you. One of those moments is the realization your child has no friends. You might wonder why; does your child smell funny? Does he or she have an attitude problem that prevents other children from wanting to be his or her friend? Does she just have a difficult time making friends because she is so shy? What’s the issue? Your child is wonderful and you can’t imagine why he doesn’t have kids lining up to hang out with him. It’s a difficult situation because you probably remember your own youth and how hard it was to go through childhood even with your friends by your side. If your child has no friends, you might need to go ahead and do some serious digging. We don’t want to you interfere and become a helicopter parent, but you might want to consider what you need to do to help remedy this situation before things get out of hand – if it’s that kind of issue. As a parent, you have to deal with things that you don’t understand and you don’t like; and it’s not always easy. But here is what you do if your child has no friends.
Assess the Situation
Your kid might be a big old bully, or she might have anxiety. You just don’t know until you assess the situation. Take your child to the park or a class with other kids and observe. You’ll be able to tell what’s going on fairly quickly. It’s very easy to see if a child is shy or if a child is mean. You can then assess the situation and work on a way to make some positive changes so that your kids are better able to make friends and enjoy life.
Deal with the Situation
Since the situation is going to be vastly different in every household, I can’t tell you exactly what to do. I can, however, give you some general advice. The first bit would be to talk to your child and find out how he or she feels and then handle it. If your kid is mean to other kids and they don’t want to play with him or her as a result, you will need to address this issue. If your child is shy or anxious, you will want to address the issues. That’s how you begin to deal with these things as a parent.
Host a Play Date
Sometimes it’s a lot easier for kids who are anxious or shy to be part of a play date in which they feel comfortable. For example, your child might find it easier to spend time at home with kids in his or her surroundings than the other way around. Invite just one child over at a time, however, to help ease the situation for your little one. Being one-on-one with another child in his or her surroundings might be just what your child needs to make just one friend. Once one friend has been made, you might be able to work on more friends in the future. All it takes is just one friend and just one situation in which to change the way your child feels and interacts with others.
Consider the Crowd
If your child is older and doesn’t seem to have any friends, you might want to look to the people that your child spends time with. Because sometimes kids deliberately choose not to make friends because the ones around him or her are not good ones. Kids are pretty good judges of character, and if they choose to be lonely, that’s all right. You would much rather your kid spends time alone than with kids that are more likely to drag him or her into a lifestyle you might not find appropriate.
Would your child benefit from being moved to a new school? For example, if your child is more into theater than sports, would a school that focuses more on that extracurricular activity enable your kids to meet other likeminded children with whom they could befriend?
Don’t Push
Your kids cannot be pushed into making friends. You cannot go meeting with other parents and teachers and telling them that they have to be nice to your kids and that they have to force their kids to be friends with your kid. This is going to make school far worse for your child than it might already be. You can find other ways to make it possible for your kids to make new friends than begging their parents or getting them in trouble at school. The kid whose mom gets them in trouble is usually not the kid that makes the most friends in class.
Encourage Extracurricular Activities
If your child seems to have a difficult time making friends, why not ask your child to sign up for some extracurricular activities? This might allow him or her to meet other kids into the same things and friendships could form. I’ll tell you now that when I was in elementary school, I was not really into the kids with whom I went to school. Many of them were not people my parents would let me hang out with. My mom was a teacher and she teaches in a very low-income area and I went to school with her because of her job. She knew a lot of the parents and their stories and therefore I was alienated from them because my parents did not want me around certain situations. In the 3rd grade I began playing softball in a neighboring city, met really great people, changed schools and really began to be happy where I was. My parents got to know their parents through sports and I was finally able to go to my friend’s houses and play with them, enjoy myself and have a really memorable and fun childhood. It was really good times for me.
Photo by Chung Sung-Jun/Getty Images
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