10 of the Most Cryptic Things Parents Say

I honestly have no idea what I’m talking about half the time when I’m speaking to my kids. They’re asking these difficult questions, maybe behaving like little monsters or even just talking to me in a way that leaves me unsure exactly what’s going on. That’s when I realize that kids are confusing, kind of annoying and stupidly cute. And that’s when I realize that I don’t understand half of what I say. And if I don’t understand what I’m saying, I know my kids don’t understand what I’m saying.

On one hand, I finally get to be that mysterious woman that people want to know more about. Unfortunately, those people are my kids and the mystery is just the cryptic stuff that comes out of my mouth. My mom and dad said these things, and here I am saying them to my kids. We all do it, even if we don’t realize we are doing it. Most of what we say is so cryptic that we don’t even know what we are saying, but we are pretty certain that our kids are now a little bit terrified and probably going to behave for a few minutes, so we say it anyway. Read on to find some of the most hysterically cryptic things that moms say to their kids and what they really mean.

I will give you something cry about

Um, like what? Because the last time I checked, my kids cry about just about anything and everything if they are tired, emotional, sick and if they feel that the world is filled with injustice – which is anytime the word “No” is directed toward them. I can tell my kids I’ll give them something to cry about, but we all know I’m not going to spank them and that this cryptic message is useless.

You just wait and see

That’s right; I have nothing else to say to you and I’m at a loss for words kids, so I’m going to tell you to wait and see what’s going to happen because I have no early clue what I’m going to do or say. It’s a cop out, really.

We’ll see

The answer is no. There is no mystery here, yet our kids have not caught on to this one quite yet. If we want to say yes, we say yes. If we say we will see, it’s because we know a direct “no” is going to cause the kind of meltdown we aren’t in the mood or location to deal with at the moment. It’s a universal life truth, to be quite honest.

Maybe later

Again, this one is code for “Nope, not going to happen.” I use this one when my kids want to do something that is never going to happen, like playing outside in 110 degree heat and 100% humidity. It’s enough to make sure it doesn’t happen now, but not quite enough of a promise that they will be on top of you about it later.

I’ll think about it

And here we go again; no. Boy, it just occurred to me that it would be a lot faster for me to just say no, but it’s so much nicer and less ‘temper-tantrum’ of me to simply give my kids an evasive answer. It’s cryptic enough to have them wondering if I might say yes, and what might affect the outcome of my decision. My little darlings have no idea that I’m already decided on no, so they will go out of their way to make sure I’m happy with them enough to say yes.

Don’t you make me pull this car over

My parents said it. I say it. And yet that car has never been pulled over. Aside from the fact that I just know I’ll get nails in my tires or be attacked by a serial killer on the side of the road, I don’t have time to pull over. Traffic is bad, I’m never going to get back in and, honestly, what the heck am I going to do when I pull over onto the side of the road when my kids are misbehaving? Send them out in traffic as punishment?

Do you understand the words coming out of my mouth?

I don’t even understand the words that are coming out of my mouth most of the time, so I honestly do not expect my kids to understand them, either. However, this cryptic message is one that sounds good because it scares the kids into listening and wondering if they are missing something.

Oh, just you wait and see

Vague, cryptic. What’s going to happen? Is mommy finally losing her mind? Is she going to take something from us? Is she going to really be mad? We don’t know. Well, joke’s on you kids because mommy doesn’t know what you’re waiting to see, either. I just don’t have a solution at the moment.

Oh, you wait until we get home…

Yes, that’s right kids. Wait until we get home. By then I’ll have calmed down and I’ll just want to send you to your rooms and pour a big glass of wine and then ignore you for a few minutes while you’re playing quietly and wondering when I’ll make my appearance, what I’ll say and whether or not you’re in actual trouble or if I’m just going to lecture you.

I’ve had it up to here with you

To be quite truthful, this limit is typically reached in the first hour of the day. Any mother will tell you with complete honesty that there is nothing as stressful as that hour between waking up and getting everyone out the door on time for school, so we always lose our patience with the kids at this point in time. So when I’m saying that I’ve had it up to here, it’s not really the truth.

Anyway, what is up to here? What does it mean and what do the kids think that I mean?

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