Tiffany Raiford
My husband and I have a rule in our house; we don’t fight in front of the kids. We have this for several reasons. One, we’d like our kids to see us disagree and work through our differences in a respectful and mature manner rather than screaming at one another. We feel that this sets a good example to them for their future relationships. Secondly, we never want our kids to feel insecure in our marriage and in our home. Finally, it’s not really any of their business exactly what we have to argue about. And one of the side benefits of keeping our cool and ‘debating and discussing’ rather than fighting in front of the kids is that it usually means we calm down a lot before we find ourselves alone and ready to fight. You know how in the heat of the moment you just want to raise your voice and point out all kinds of flaws and not listen to logic and basically act like a jerk? Yeah, well, when the kids are around and we are forced to hold all that in for a while, it usually goes away so that when we are finally alone we are a lot calmer and more respectful.
See? Win-win all the way around. But really, my husband and I are not perfect. We don’t air our dirty laundry (too much) and we don’t fight in public. In fact, we don’t really fight all that much. We disagree on a lot and we have arguments regularly, but they’re not really fights and that makes us pretty proud. That’s not to say that I’m not a completely irrational nightmare on a regular basis, just that my husband has the patience of a saint and more tolerance for my ‘crazy’ than I probably deserve. All healthy relationships come with their own set of fights and arguments and disagreements, and I promise you that my husband and I are no different. After 10 years of marriage, 14 years together, 3 pregnancies and 4 kids, we have a lot to argue about, and most of it is well and truly stupid.
Radio ADD
My husband feels that I have radio ADD. When we are listening to music in the car, I am in it for a second and them I’m over it and on the search for something new and potentially more exciting. More often than not, we end up listening to 20 seconds of 100 songs and not much more than that, but I feel happy. It drives him nuts, and this is an argument we have every single time we are in the car together.
His Bedtime Breathing
Oh, my sweet husband. We go to bed together every night. It’s our thing. We like to go to bed together and get up in the morning together, and every single night I entertain fantasies of sticking his pillow over his face and holding it there once he gets comfortable and begins to do this loud breathing thing that I swear makes me crazy (please note that I would never do this. I don’t want to be a single mother of four and I actually enjoy my husband). Either way, however, every single night involves 5 minutes of “OMG. WHY DO YOU DO THIS TO ME?!” followed by, “Huh? What?” like he doesn’t know what I’m referring to.
My Coffee Cup
I have a coffee cup addiction. My current favorite mug is a lovely little Tiffany & Co. mug I picked up a set of at Tiffany’s in New York City last time we were there. They’re Tiffany blue, adorable and make me happy every single morning. My husband hates them, however, since they are so small. Okay, so they’re a little small. When I hit the ‘big’ cup on the Keurig, I end up with coffee to the rim of the mug and a delicate 5 minute walk to the couch in my future. He feels that I should suck that up, use a real mug and make everyone’s lives easier. You can visibly see him panic when I ask him to bring me a cup instead of getting it myself.
Travel
We don’t argue about where to travel or to travel. We love to do travel, so it’s never a problem other than finding the time to go where we want. But let me tell you this; we fight and fight and fight when we land and have to drive somewhere in which we are unfamiliar. Travel brings out the absolute worst in us. My husband is a sight-seeing driver. He does not pay attention to the road, I pay too much attention to the road, he feels that I suck as a back seat driver and I feel he sucks as an actual driver. But when we arrive at our hotel, all is forgiven and all is well. But let me tell you that every single rental car trip from the airport to the hotel sounds like this, “OMG. I don’t even know why I travel with you. You are the worst driver ever! OMG. Seriously, take me back to the airport. I’m going home. What is wrong with you?” (and I see now how I might be a bit of a mean old nag).
Time with the Kids
I am insanely jealous of the fact that my husband gets to spend so much more time with our kids than I. How so, you ask? Well, I’m home with them all day long, but it’s a blur of article writing, diaper changing, lunch making, breakfast cooking, carpooling and homework and naptimes. It’s not much actual play time and fun since it takes a long time to get four kids up and out of the house (not to mention keeping things clean, handling laundry and all that other stuff). He gets to come home to a spotless house and play with the kids, have fun with them and enjoy them so much more than I. And it kind of makes me jealous that he gets so much less of the ‘work’ and so much more of the fun.
How Clean the Floors really Are
I mean, really, I know I’m a bit anal about cleanliness, but I like the floors clean. I don’t know how he can handle the sound of sticky tile after the kids have eaten without mopping it up. It just does not bother him. It makes me absolutely crazy. His argument is that we always mop after everyone goes to bed, so why do it now? My argument is that the floors are sticky and disgusting and that warrants immediate cleaning. Ladies, am I right?
The Lawn
My husband is a wonderful, amazing, truly spectacular husband and father. But his desire to want to go outside and mow the lawn on our huge piece of property makes me insane. It takes hours and he’s always running over things like sprinkler heads and breaking them. I have always been a fan of paying someone to mow for us, but he has a new riding lawn mower and he wants to use it. I keep telling him that I’m calling our old lawn company back and hiring them when he’s at work.
The Cup holders in My SUV
Okay, so this is the most ridiculous fight ever, and it’s on going. In fact, when we got rid of my 08 Lincoln MKX a few years ago, we actually had to forgo our first two family SUV choices because of the cup holders. I’ll tell you why. In the Lincoln, the cup holders in the front seat sat one in front of the other, not next to one another. But they sat really, really far forward on the console so that they were almost under the dash. I always referred to the one I was looking at from my seat as the one in the “front” and the one closest to the dash as the one in the “back” since it was behind the first cup that I could see from my seat (Hello, the one closest to me is the one in the front when I’m looking at it, right?) but my husband swears that the one in the front is actually the one closest to the front of the car and the one in the back is the one closest to the back of the car. Does this make sense? Well, it doesn’t to me. We have many “which latte is yours?” arguments since we absolutely cannot agree.
Diapers
Our twins are 16 months old and they are home with me all day long. They always use the bathroom in sync, too. That’s two times the diapers of most people’s households, and it’s a lot of changing. So when my husband comes home, I expect that he will change the diapers. It’s only fair, right? But he feels that this is not ‘teamwork’ and that we should both be changing diapers when he’s home. I vote no: he leaves the house at 6:30 am and isn’t home until 5:30 pm which means I’m alone with diapers for 11 hours a day. He can change all the diapers for the hour the babies are awake when he gets home and on the weekends, right? People, it’s TWO babies.
Our Driving Habits
He’s a sightseer and a non-aggressive driver. He cannot carry a conversation and drive at the same time (seriously, he can’t even get us home from the supermarket 5 minutes from our house if we are in the middle of a conversation because he just drives straight and never thinks to turn, ever). If someone in front of us is going 4 mph in a 75 mph zone, he’ll stay behind them even if no one is coming at all in the opposite direction. I am a speedy driver. I am an aggressive driver. I like to make sure other drivers know they have made me mad. We tend to argue over this a lot.
BONUS: This Article
When I saw the title, I was excited, so I text my husband and asked him to throw out some of our stupid arguments so I could use them here. That led us into a three hour text war over who is right about our travels, driving, diapers and even him sending me a text message when I said that I’m the superior driver that said he cannot wait until I get my first ticket so he can laugh and laugh and laugh. And he will. Too bad for him that if I ever get a ticket, I won’t tell him about it. Who’s laughing now, honey?!
Photo by David McNew/Getty Images
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