Tiffany Raiford
Those who cast stones must not live in glass houses or something to that effect; trust me, I know this. I know that I post about a million things that are annoying, obnoxious and completely crazy on social media, especially on Facebook. I do it; I know I do. I know I do because I know that nothing I do will ever please everyone. There are always people who will find what you do irritating, even if you don’t. I’m a mother, and therefore I know by default that I’m annoying when it comes to Facebook. Too many pictures of my kids (check), too many posts about my kids (check), too many personal moments outed on social media that revolve around the happenings of my kids (check); you name it, I do it.
And so do other mothers. We’re all guilty, and that’s fine. But there are some moms who feel that some Facebook friends we have are just as annoying as they surely find us. I know that there are times when I will delete you, block you and avoid you like the plague simply because I’m a mother and I find your Facebook-friendliness less than amazing. Now, as a mother; I do not accept anyone I do not personally know as a friend. My friends’ list is quite small. Frankly, I find most people too irritating to keep on my wall (constant complainers, constant mis-spellers, all caps all the time, too much personal business online, etc.). But read on to find out which ‘friends’ drive moms the craziest when it comes to Facebook.
The I’m Not Bragging Bragger Friend
Hey, guess what? We see through you. We do. You might think that you don’t want to sound braggy – but it’s okay to brag. We all do it, and in fact, that’s pretty much why we all have Facebook, right? I mean, not one of us posts unflattering photos of ourselves or our kids and we all pretty much have a page so that we can subtly scream to the world, “Look how successful/wealthy/happy/amazing/pretty I am,” to the entire world.
So, when you post, “I am so #blessed and humbled and just really thankful to God for my new Range Rover because it has all the safety ratings that will keep my kids safe in the car with me since it’s all about them and I’m happy to sacrifice what I really want for what they really need,” we know you’re not concerned in the least about your kids’ safety so much as you are making sure the rest of the world knows you just drove a Range Rover home, mmmkay? Just brag, girl! “HEY! Driving my dream car home! #CheckOutMyRangeRover #HatersGonnaHate”.
The My Kid is So Much Better than Your Kid Friend
Here is the thing about parenting; everyone always has a kid that’s better at something than others. Why we constantly want our kids to be better than everyone else’s kid is beyond me. When someone on my feed is trying one-up other parents by pitting their kids against someone else’s kid, it really turns me off. It screams lack of confidence in the parenting department. Until your kid is the President of the United States and mine still lives at home and hasn’t gotten a high school diploma yet, no one’s kid is better than another.
The Friend that Complains about her Kids all the Time
We all dislike our kids from time to time. We all tell our woes. We laugh and we cry together, and we celebrate our kids together. But I will delete you if you do nothing but complain. It’s gross and it’s not my style, and I firmly believe in being optimistic, even when life looks less than stellar. A good attitude will get you a long way .The truth is that kids kind of suck most of the time, so we can either laugh about it or we can complain. I choose to laugh because otherwise I’d be pretty miserable.
The Doesn’t Have Kids but Definitely Knows Everything about Kids Friend
We all have one. This person hasn’t a child of his or her own, but knows every single thing about parenting, ever. Ever. It’s annoying, but at the same time we all know that we get to sit back and wait impatiently for this person to have a child of his or her own so that we can see that attitude change in a second. It’s easy to parent from the outside looking in, and we cannot wait for you all to have kids of your own. We’ve got our popcorn ready so we can sit back and watch your personal trainwreck, throw your advice back at you and poke a little fun. But, seriously though, we are here for you when you need us, because good parents have each other’s backs.
The Grandparent Friend
My mother steals all my pictures and posts them to her page. I hate that because I keep them as private as possible on my page, but she accepts anyone and everyone. I have to talk to her about that at least once a week.
The Passive Aggressive just Cannot be Nice Friend
You know the one. The one that subtly insults your life as a mother by giving you a compliment immediately followed by a subtle insult. She wants you to know that she thinks she’s better than you, and it’s obvious. The truth, though, is that we all know you’re just trying to make yourself feel better about whatever.
The Thank God I don’t have Kids Friend
Hey, listen, I’m with you; if you don’t want kids, I get it. Nothing against that in any way, shape or form. But, I also don’t think that it’s very nice to be so thankful for this that it comes across as you pitying the rest of us for having kids. I don’t go around saying things like “Thank God I have kids. I’d hate to be a bitter old hag without them,” or whatever it is that insults people without kids. I have kids, I love my kids. I’m happy with that, but I don’t feel the need to be rude about it. So the next time you post, “Oh my God. I’m so glad I don’t have kids so I don’t have to deal with this crap,” on my photo of my kids all running in opposite directions as we attempt to get a photo, don’t. After all, when was the last time I posted, “Gosh, I’m so glad I have kids so that I don’t have sad and lonely Christmas photos,” on your family photo of you and your dog?
The Do it My Way Mom Friend
Breast feed. Co-sleep. Make only organic food and use only cloth diapers. You are the devil if you do not. I know it all. I know everything.
That mom makes me nuts, especially when she’s a new mom and I’ve been doing it for 7 years and with four times as many kids as she. I’m all about parenting your own way even if I don’t co-sleep or make organic food or use cloth diapers. I also don’t wear my kids or let them dictate the schedule. If you do, I don’t care. But please do not get all up on my photos or status and say things like “Oh my. Is that a McDonalds toy? You know that is terrible for your kids,” or “You know, putting your kids on the floor to play is bad parenting. You should carry them so that they feel the love,” because I’m fine with my way. Go parent your own kids.
The Breast-Feeding Photos Mom Friend
And here goes my own personal can of worms. I’m not against breast-feeding. I did it as long as I could with all four of my kids. However, I did not do it in public and I did not do it and take photos. I’m modest. I know it’s natural and it’s good for baby, but I just don’t believe in my breasts being exposed in public. I don’t believe it in any way. I don’t hang them out of my clothes in an attempt to be ‘sexy’ or provocative and I don’t believe that anyone with any self-respect should do that. But I also don’t believe that you should post your breast-feeding photos on the internet. I believe you should breast-feed if you want to and you can, but I don’t see why it has to be something that you put out there? It’s private; it’s your baby’s food source, sure, and it’s all natural – I get it.
But conceiving a baby is natural and it’s ‘beautiful’ and so is giving birth to a baby all naturally and beautifully. However, I don’t see you posting photos of you and your husband having sex to conceive your baby despite it being natural and beautiful, and I certainly don’t see photos of your baby crowning despite the natural beauty of giving birth. So why must I see your breasts on my newsfeed? I don’t want to see them hanging out of your top on the beach with your friends, and I don’t want to see them hanging out of your baby’s mouth. Can we please just keep this private and modest? Is that too much to ask? Be proud of your breastfeeding, but really – unless you’re okay with me posting topless photos of myself after I get my breasts done, don’t post them of yourself.
*I’m positively happy to turn my head and ignore you and not look when you’re nursing in public, but I can’t do that when I’m scrolling my newsfeed, so please don’t put it out there and force me to look at something I find very private and personal when I cannot control it.
The My Kid does Nothing Wrong Ever Friend
Liar.
Photo by Getty Images
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