What People Don’t Tell You About Marriage

Marriage is beautiful. At least, I think so. I can’t imagine life without my husband. We have fun, we laugh, we argue, we make each other’s lives better, and we respect each other without a doubt. Unfortunately, not too many people feel the same way. A lot of couples end up divorced after a while – or not after a while – and many people feel that marriage is not a good thing. Too many people who’ve had bad marriages like to tell others not to do it, or that everything changes for the worse after it happens, or whatever. The truth is that marriage is a beautiful thing if you marry the right person; and what happens after you exchange vows is not always bad. Here are a few things no one bothers telling you about marriage.

Conflict Resolution Is What Makes Marriage Work

You don’t have to agree on everything, you just need to know how to make your fights end. You can have a safe word you use when you want to end the discussion or make up. As long as you can work through your conflicts and make it an effort to compromise at the end of a fight, you’ll be fine.

50/50 is Outdated

If you are only giving 50 percent and expecting your spouse to give 50 percent, you’re in for a rude awakening. Marriage is 100/100. Sometimes it is 80/20. Sometimes it is 40/60. It’s always different. When I have a rough day and I’m in a less than amazing mood, I might only put 10 percent in for a few hours while my husband does the other 90 percent. He might make dinner, bathe the girls, straighten up the house, pick out school clothes for our oldest, and get her morning snack ready for school. We both know that marriage always has to be 100 percent in total, but we are happy to occasionally pick up the slack for the other when needed.

The Attraction Doesn’t End

If there is one thing people are wrong, wrong, wrong about when it comes to marriage, it’s that the attraction you feel for your spouse ends after a while and you have to find other things to keep your marriage going. I cannot tell you how wrong this is. After 11 years, I am so much more attracted to my husband than ever before. Seeing him laugh with our daughters, jump up and down screaming for his football team to make a touchdown, or pouring me a glass of wine while cooking dinner makes me more attracted to him than ever before. I am attracted to him not only because he is handsome and kind, but because he is familiar and he makes me smile. He is a good dad and he knows me and I know him, and nothing is more attractive than that closeness and comfort level.