Tiffany Raiford
I have learned over the course of my 7 years as a parent that there is only one way to stop kids from waking you up in the morning in the most annoying ways possible; get up before them. Yes, I admit, I am a morning person. I’m up at 5 am every week day (though my husband and I do sleep until around 7 on weekends) so I don’t have to go through the annoying wakeup call that some kids provide their parents free of charge (all it costs is your sanity). But let’s face it; sometimes our kids get up before us on the weekends and we are subjected to the most annoying, scariest and absolute freakiest wake up calls around (kids make the irritating shrill of the alarm sound so much more welcoming, have you noticed?). If you’re about to embark upon the parenting journey for the first time or you’re already there, you will either need to know this information or you will nod in agreement and perhaps add a few wakeup calls of your own to the mix.
The Feeling of Being Watched
Ever feel like you’re being watched? If you’re asleep and your kids are not, you might be. My kids like to stand at the foot of our bed and stare at us until we wake up from the force of their creepy gaze. The winner, however, is our 4-year-old. She stands there with her head down, glaring at us from the tops of her eyes with her hair hanging in her face. It’s very Exorcist and it never fails to make us feel as if a demon is staring us down.
The Leg Shake
Hey. Hey. Mommy. Mommy. Mommy. Daddy. Daddy. Daddy. Daddy. Daddy. DADDY! I’m shaking your leg? Don’t you feel that? Daddy? Mommy? Wake up! Is it time to wakeup now? Hey? Wake UP!
The Face in Your Face
When your kids are so close to you that you can feel their nose touching your nose and their hair tickling your face and you assume it’s your husband cuddling up to you. You smile, stretch and open your eyes expecting to see the love of your life right next to you. Instead, you see the eyes of a child. Right in your face. It’s enough to startle you right into next week. It’s not pleasant. It’s not fun. But it’s what kids do. They don’t want you comfortable when you wake up.
The Cry
This is annoying since it’s coming from our 15-month-old twins over the monitor. If they’re crying, it likely means they’ve already spent a half hour up there giggling and playing together before realizing that they are over it and ready to come downstairs, eat and play with their toys and their big sisters. They’re so needy, right?
The Bad Dream
I had a bad dream. Okay, I’ll tuck you back into bed. No. I can’t sleep now. I need to sleep with you. No, you know the rule. No kids in mommy and daddy’s bed (go ahead and judge, but we like our sleep and our other bedroom activities, and we haven’t the time or energy to have our kids in there with us). Now it’s 4 am and we have a kid with a bad dream and daddy has to go sleep with whichever kid it is in that child’s room until that child falls sleep and he can come back to bed. I’d do it, but the rule is that whichever parent is woken up to handle the bad dream has to go. And our kids always go to daddy (and it only took me one lesson of “If you have a bad dream, daddy will protect you and make it better) to make sure they leave me alone when bad dreams occur.
The “I have to pee,”
Our kids…what can I say about our kids? Well, they’re great sleepers. We’ve been able to put them to bed at their bedtimes since they were all newborn babies whether they were awake or asleep and they’d either stay asleep or go to sleep on their own in a few minutes. But they’re pretty early risers; that’s the problem. They go to bed at 6:30 and 7:30 and they’re up by 7. That’s all right, we did the schedule and the sleeping thing right. We’ve never had to listen to anyone cry it out or anything. But we might have gone too far in the potty training. Apparently we are quite proud of our kids and they love our encouragement so much that they tell us every single time they use the potty. Even at 2 am. “Mommy, I went pee,” says the little girl by my bed. “Um, great job?” Is this real life? Don’t wake me up to tell me you already peed!
The it’s Still Dark Outside Wakeup Call
So, I’ve been waiting for the sun to come up, but it’s not coming up. That’s because it’s 2 am. Oh. And off to bed they go. But, seriously; was that necessary?
The Holiday Wakeup Call
MOMMYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY! DADDYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY! It’s Christmas/Easter/My Birthday/Your Birthday/St. Patrick’s Day/Tuesday! Okay, so on birthdays and Christmas it is exciting and we don’t mind that so much, but every other holiday EVER deserves a little more sleep.
The “I’m Hungry” Wakeup
I’m tempted to pour these kids a bowl of cereal the night before and leave it on the bar for them so they can just eat and leave us alone. One day, maybe I’ll develop a lack of fear of doing this and actually do it, too. Because nothing is more annoying than being woken up because someone is hungry, because it means hearing it while you pee; and you know you’re not getting a shower or a cup of coffee right away.
They Don’t
The only thing worse than a child waking you up in the morning is when they don’t. When the kids are up and they’re having a good time without you, nothing good is ever happening. This is the day they did help themselves to breakfast. It’s the day they decided to play in the toilet or dump out all the handsoap in the house to make bubbles or let the cat into the pantry or something like that. So, at the end of the day, maybe we should stop worrying about the supremely annoying ways our kids wake us up and we should be glad that they do. It means less mess, less trouble and less stress.
I hope you enjoy that extra two hours of sleep. You’re going to need the energy it provides to fix whatever the kids did while they were up those two hours.
Photo by Scott Wintrow/Getty Images
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