Why You Should Never Buy into the “Skinny is Better” Mentality

Skinny: It’s an ugly word. Trim, fit, thin; they’re all much better. But you which word is the best word to describe a woman’s body? Healthy; because healthy encompasses so many beautiful things. Not all women are built to be ‘skinny’ and some will never be ‘skinny’ but that doesn’t mean they aren’t trim and fit and perfectly beautiful with amazing bodies. Let’s take Sofia Vergara for instance. She’s one of the most beautiful women on the planet and she’s not ‘skinny,’ by any means. She’s trim and fit and curvy and gorgeous. Beyonce; the Kardashian sisters; Sara Ramirez; all beautiful women with different body shapes and all perfect.

First time mom-to-be Zooey Deschanel recently opened up to Cosmo about being a first time mom and about how we cannot expect to see her in a bikini a month after giving birth and people have applauded her for that. But I’m going to play devil’s advocate here and I’m sure that my thoughts on this will garner a number of hateful comments and emails; and that’s fine. There’s nothing wrong with not wanting to wear a bikini right after giving birth just as there is nothing wrong with wanting to wear one. Just like all bodies are different sizes and shapes, all women are created differently. I have had four kids, including a set of twins. The first time I had a baby, I thought I’d be working out for months – years, even – to get my body back. I’m a petite person and I’ve always been very small. Imagine my (very happy) surprise to find out that it took less than a week for my body to go back to its pre-pregnancy size and I certainly wasn’t working out or doing anything but eating. For the first time in months, I didn’t feel full and sick after taking more than three bites of food and I was shoving my face full of all my favorite things (I swear…breastfeeding, people) and things they went back to their place. Now, standing up I looked amazing. Sitting down I was all soft and that took some serious time to fix after I was given the go ahead to get back to exercising after my 6-week checkup.

I had another daughter three years later and the same happened. I had twins three years after that, and the same thing happened. It’s just the way I’m built. I know several girlfriends who are the same way, and several who struggled to lose the weight after pregnancy. So while Zooey Deschanel says she’s not going to be one of those super fit moms who look like she never gave birth a week after giving birth, believe me when I say she just might and it won’t have anything to do with working out or trying to lose weight. It just happens to some people, and I know – it’s not fair. And yes, I’m glad I’m one of the people it happens to.

That said; I hate, hate, hate when people say negative things to me. You wouldn’t look at a new mom a week postpartum and say, “Look at you, you fat cow. Shouldn’t you have lost that weight by now? Gross,” because that is supremely awful, rude and just uncalled for. No one is more beautiful than a happy new mother, so mind your business. But why does that allow people to assume all naturally petite people are unhealthy or vain or doing something unhealthy to their bodies right after giving birth? Perhaps some are, but not all of us. But at the end of the day, our bodies will do what they do, and it’s still better not to buy into the ‘skinny is better’ mentality, because it’s not true. And I’m the first one to say it. Skinny is never better. Healthy is better.

To the Moms that Struggle with Post-Partum Weight Loss

Hey; it’s okay. Your body just did something amazing and beautiful and gorgeous. My girlfriend and I gave birth to twins four days apart last year and she has struggled with her body image ever since – even though I think she couldn’t see how great she looked. I think she is one of the most beautiful women I’ve ever known both inside and out. And while she wasn’t happy with the outside, everyone else always thought she was beautiful, but that means nothing if she doesn’t feel it herself. But she wasn’t happy; and she recently made the decision to change her life by exercising daily and eating healthy foods in moderation and she looks amazing. She’s not skinny (but she is fit and toned and perfect) – and she will be the first to tell you she’s never going to be skinny because she’s not built to be skinny. But you know what? She rocks a bikini far better than I ever can (can you say hi 10-year-old boy in a bikini?). She’s GORGEOUS and I have always hated that she can’t see herself the way the rest of us see her, but I am happy that she’s feeling good about herself.

If it takes you longer to lose the weight, it takes you longer and don’t let anyone make you feel bad about yourself. As long as you are healthy, you don’t have to look like Gisele.

To the Moms that Drop it Off with No Effort

You know how hurtful it can be when people accuse you of being unhealthy. I remember the first time I heard someone whisper that I must ignore my babies so that I can work out and be skinny and how I’m selfish. It hurts. I don’t. In fact, I should work out more to be healthier, but aside from about 20 minutes of yoga and family walks, that’s all I have time for anymore. There’s nothing wrong with being a small person by nature, but it’s also important that we stay healthy. We should never strive to be skinny. Skinny is, pretty much, gross. I love a woman who is toned and fit and takes care of herself and can rock a non-existent thigh gap. And I love when I’m in a photo with someone else who puts her hand on her hip in a tank top so her arms don’t look fat against her side (hello my biggest body enemy) because it reminds me that no matter how good someone looks, none of us are perfect.

Ladies, be healthy. And rock that body confidence. Let me be the first to tell you that you can look just like a supermodel and not be beautiful if you’re not healthy and confident. So let’s forget the skinny part and let’s just take care of ourselves. We have kids we need to set an example for and for whom we’d probably like to be around for a few more decades.

Photo by Alexandra Beier/Getty Images